IS WINDSURFING A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE INFLUENCE ON PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS? DISCUSS.
If you’d asked me that question 15 years ago, I would not
have hesitated to tell you that windsurfing is at least as
destructive in terms of relationships as office Christmas
parties and amorous tradesmen. It’s a treacherous honeytrap.
“So you windsurf?” She asks. “Wow! Tick-tock!” And
she imagines a tanned, toned body moving lithely and
organically to the wind’s seductive rhythms; an outdoor
type, tough but sensitive, at one with his natural
environment, patting dolphins, tweaking the nose of sharks.
And what does she get? A compulsive obsessive, who starts
grunting every time he sees a leaf move; who thinks nothing
of driving 80 miles on a January morning to stand in a car
park wearing a rubber helmet and washing up gloves. She
gets a man who when he needs his fix, can be sneaky,
deceptive, moody and horribly selfish – she gets a junkie.
I should know – I was that man.
A couple of decades on and I’ve seen another side. Firstly
it’s certainly not just about men buggering off to the beach.
Women are just as capable of buggering off to the beach. If
you’re trying to decide whether the beach/windsurfing store
is a good place to seek out your paramour, let me offer you
some genuine case histories, which in the end, of course,
prove absolutely nothing.
All the people quoted are real although in some cases their
names have been changed to avoid unnecessary grief and
public humiliation. I thank them for their frankness.
Hobson’s Choice
“So Jane, be honest – have you really come on this holiday
to be a better windsurfer – or have you just come here
hoping to meet the right man?” Even though we were onto
the third bottle of wine, it was still a pretty brutal question,
even by Brendan’s standards, an Irishman who delighted in
ruffling feathers. But Jane, a 35(ish), attractive, City analyst,
competent small board sailor and obviously on a good
whack, was used to handling herself in bullish male
company.
“Yes I definitely have a problem,” she said, “I just can’t go
out with a man who doesn’t windsurf as well as me. I find it
so unsexy – so I’m afraid that’s you out Brendan.”
It was a great put-down but she did go on to say that
windsurfing had ruined her life romantically. “I’ll meet a nice
guy at work or wherever, but after the third weekend of
sitting on a cold beach watching me, he, understandably,
finds better things to do. So it will have to be a windsurfer
that’s just as obsessed as me. The problem is that
windsurfers, in fact all obsessives, are really boring. It’s a
bit of dilemma.”
No Choice
There’s no such dilemma for Kate - a caustically witty
Manchester lawyer who could have had a career in stand
up. Would she consider dating a windsurfer?
“I would honestly rather stick red hot needles under my
fingernails. I was sandwiched between two at a dinner party
once. They were talking across me in some strange ancient
language – honestly I didn’t have a clue what they were on
about. It did my head in. I bloody nearly killed someone.” It
is true that windsurfers have the capacity to be mindnumbingly
boring in mixed company.
Plan Nothing
I introduced a college mate of mine to windsurfing after he
damaged his knee and had to give up rugby. His wife
Sarah still holds me responsible for their break-up. She’s
never said as much but I know she does.
“I could handle the rugby. Tuesday and Thursday nights
were training and every Saturday he was gone from midday
to whenever he staggered in stinking of beer. But it was a
fixed ritual and I could plan accordingly - the rest of the
time he was around. But since he took up his sodding
windsurfing – he’d never commit to anything. ‘I dunno – it
might be windy’ was the stock answer. The final straw was
my sister’s wedding. It was down in Devon. He agreed to
come but only if the board came too. Of course it was
windy. He missed the service, just made it to the last half
hour of the reception but was so knackered, he fell asleep
and snored through the speeches.”
Fact: don’t date a windsurfer if you’re a planner.
Happy Passion
Linda is an artist married to Richard who has windsurfed
forever. They have 4 boys and are still together.
“Every weekend we go to the coast. Every holiday is a
windsurfing holiday. I don’t even like water very much. All
the boys do it now so every spare corner of the garden and
garage is stacked with windsurfing equipment. But I
wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s something very
attractive about a man with a passion. I can’t imagine being
with someone who doesn’t DO anything. It makes him so
happy that why would I stop him doing it; and I have to say
that passion spills into other corners of our lives …
(knowing wink). And as for the boys, adolescence was a
breeze; when they might have been hanging out outside
the ‘One Stop’ grunting at each other and popping pills,
they were either rigging up, sailing, sleeping or eating.”
You single chaps out there – I’ll find out if she’s got a sister…
Play Together – stay together?
Is windsurfing one of those sports, where like golf, couples,
despite differences in ability, can really enjoy together?
Rod, a 28 year old vet, went for the approach that if he got
his girlfriend into windsurfing and she enjoyed it, then
holidays, weekends etc, would be sorted forever. He took
her to Vassiliki. She learned in the light morning breezes
and he had his fill when the afternoon thermal kicked in.
And, joy upon joy, she did really enjoy it and wanted to do
more, more, more... but then the plan backfired.
“We got home and I bought her an all-round board,” said
Rod. “The problem is that, although she loves it, she’s not
that ambitious, nor is she technically minded. She’s quite
happy going up and down on a big board taking in the
scenery. She doesn’t want to plane or go fast and she
certainly doesn’t want to go near waves. As a result, we
always end up at easy sheltered locations and I have to rig
and lug around TWO sets of kit. It’s a nightmare.”
Hoist by his own petard, I’d say.
Of course, like all questions to do with the mating game,
there are no ultimate solutions. I suppose most windsurfing
women would like to meet a handsome, rugged windsurfing
guy, who’s understatedly talented yet is kind, considerate,
doesn’t stink of neoprene, has nice shoes and can hold his
own on a few subjects other than downhaul tension.
And most windsurfing guys would probably dream of turning
up in Maui and on their first night bumping into a gorgeous
local who had a house on the beach, could rig and carry her
own kit; who could ride the waves like a goddess and yet
who didn’t have a hairy back, who scrubbed up well, was
intelligent and who laughed at all of your jokes. It happened
to me … but I did have to wait 40 years.
